Saturday, September 16th, 2023 @ 9:20p.m.
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I really wanted to be able to write a beautiful, positive entry this week to thank some of the amazing gentlemen who I have had the pleasure of hosting for over a decade, many months, or even just for a date or two. Unfortunately, I have something really pressing that I feel I need to address because it is really getting out of control and I would love some suggestions and support for this situation because it has been a daily disturbance for a few weeks now.
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As many of you know, I offer discounts on deposits; especially when I have had a slow week or more no shows than I care to count. Iโm always appreciative of the trust that is placed in me when Iโm sent deposits and I have a long list of repeat clients who can attest to my integrity in terms of seeing these appointments.
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That being said, no matter if paid in advance or in person - if I am made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe I reserve the right to cancel or end any appointment with or without refund.
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A few weeks ago after a phenomenal trip to Toronto to see the mighty Guns N Roses and the epic Pretenders (man Chrissie Hynde rocked! And thanks again Mr. E) I came home to a dead fridge and the awful experience of having to throw out and replace everything in it.
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That week, I had several people take me up on discounted deposits on appointments and I saw 3/4 of them. The last one insisted on meeting me in person for his deposit which wasnโt ideal but I was stuck and I agreed. We were unable to get a date/time on the books due to either his work or family - not my business, I donโt ask for details on why he wasnโt available when I was and unfortunately I am seldom available for appointments with very little lead time.
At one point, I received a message from him during an appointment with another client saying that he was here and wanted to see me for his appointment. I explained that I was with someone and not available for another hour and he was quite upset with me; as if I was expecting to be waiting for him and not see other appointments? I really donโt appreciate anyone showing up without a confirmed appointment and I politely expressed that to him. Also, keep in mind that he had paid me $80 for a full GFE hh appointment - $60 off full price.
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We finally nailed down a date and for the entire week or so leading up to the date, he proceeded to bombard me with messages and questions and requests for photos. When I did not respond to one of his messages one day, he sent a message the following day, pouting and then requesting for me to wear a pair of stockings for him, ones โthat could preferably be ripped offโ after me having told him several days prior that I donโt do stockings when itโs hot (and we just had a heatwave). I also was really upset about the fact that he wanted ones he could rip off because that suggests a level of rough play that I am not okay with, nor did I ever indicate that I was into. Please bear in mind that this is my profession, not my personal playtime.
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I looked at the entire conversation history and between text messages and Twitter messages and one email when I did not text back quickly enough - I felt really uncomfortable with this guyโs pretty obsessive behaviour and I told him I would be returning half of his deposit and canceling the appointment. Given that I had already given him a very considerable amount of my time and photos, I feel that would have been more than fair of me to be even giving back anything when I had easily spent several hours all told over the course of several weeks corresponding with him, as well as meeting him for the deposit (during that meeting he blindsided me with a full on kiss on the lips in my parking lot in the middle of the day with my neighbours around).
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He freaked out and said he didnโt want his money, he wanted his appointment and that if I was uncomfortable with him messaging me that I was in the wrong business! I told him clearly that his appointment was cancelled and not to contact me again or I would add him to the Ottawa providersโ blacklist. I immediately blocked him and hoped that would be the end of it. I wish.
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Since that day, I have received three Twitter messages, four emails, and a text from a different number than the one he had previously used. I have had a huge increase in the number of no show appointments I usually have and itโs almost forcing me into a position of having to require deposits of some kind so that Iโm not wasting my time booking with โnew clientsโ who may in fact be him under different numbers. He has created two new Twitter accounts that he has messaged me from and a new email (I say new because they are new to me). Iโm seriously creeped out by the level of obsession this guy has developed over the course of a few weeks and he clearly did not pay any attention to the things I said (asking for stockings when I said I didnโt wear them in this heat?!) so he doesnโt actually know or like ME, itโs obviously the IDEA of me that has him enthralled.
Guys like him scare me, quite frankly and I have been in the industry long enough to know that itโs best just not to respond in order to keep this from escalating in any way. The only option I can think of right now is to stop seeing new clients for a while but financially I donโt know if thatโs feasible at all. I was going to send him $40 but at this point I feel like he has taken up too much of my time and energy and I also donโt know where to even send it as he insisted on an in person meeting to give the deposit in the first place. I am not meeting him, not putting myself in a situation that I would feel not just uncomfortable but unsafe and I donโt want to give him any type of inkling that he has any chance of swaying me to see him.
If anyone has any suggestions or words of support I would gladly welcome them right now. Some type of reassurance that this guy is an anomaly and the exception rather than the rule would be helpful for sure.
I am also posting this in part to let everyone know that if I disappear from the radar for a while โ this is why. I hate having to be so super cautious and suspicious of new clients booking because of the way this dude just wonโt leave me alone.
Maybe I should start asking for verification pics? Thatโs where I say something for you to write on a paper and send me a selfie with; something I offer for new clients - would it be too much to ask for one in return? I would immediately delete the photos afterwards, Iโm not asking for ID or even insisting that you give me your real first name but other than requiring deposits - which I donโt want to do, it would greatly reduce the number of new clients (especially married ones!) who will book with me - what else can I do to keep myself from having this guy invade my life and mess with my means of providing for myself and my son?
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Anywaysโฆif you made it this far, thank you for reading. If youโre a gentleman who is interested in booking sometime soon, if you would be willing to send me a deposit of even just $20, I will happily prove to you my integrity is legitimate and I will also discount your appointment $40 and give you three months to book it. This would great help reduce my anxiety over this guy and this whole situation. Anyone who has simply taken the time to read this far and is willing to send me a verification photo, I will gladly give you $20 off your next session. Looking forward to some new, positive experiences to be able to share with everyone next time!
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(And again, thanks to Mr. E, who was a lovely travel companion and fellow rock fan - I did have a great time.)
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Xo
Kathryn
